When habitual liars are questioned as to the validity of their stories, they sometimes act surprised that they are not believed. Whether they are so caught up in their own fantasies that they don’t know what is real, or whether they do it in order to feign innocence, one may never be able to determine. Then there are other individuals who, when caught in infrequent lying, are so obvious that they don’t try to fake innocence. They can be so pricked in their consciences that they will avoid future lying at all costs.
These are not the only two scenarios, however, that involve lying. Some people may tell occasional lies to avoid hurting another’s feelings or to avoid telling hurtful facts about someone, and then there is the strong natural tendency to protect oneself. None of these may be morally correct behaviors, and if one would take time there might be an acceptable, yet satisfactory, way of avoiding telling a lie in each given circumstance.
The incident that I’m about to relate from my childhood does not fit into any of the above categories, nor does it attempt to suggest that all of my lying has been of this particular nature. (Ask me no questions about that, and I will tell you no lies).
When a child perceives what is happening, or what is being told to him, it may be very far from the truth, but to him it is reality. If that child then relates those perceptions to others, is he lying, or could we give it another more innocent name?
My sisters played a major role in this story, but they are more innocent than I gave them credit for until recently. As I related this story to them, just a year or so ago, I learned the whole truth (I think), and it put all the burden back on my shoulders!
We three girls were older than our two brothers, the youngest of which was a baby at the time of these memories. An older brother had died in infancy before I was born, so whenever this youngest son became ill, our parents’ emotions were so evident that the whole family felt the fear of losing another child. I can remember two incidences in which my childish emotions perceived that there was a danger of death. Once while toddling or crawling around outdoors, the baby ate a mushroom that was growing in the yard, and Mother was quite certain that it was not an edible variety. She was afraid that it contained a deadly poison! I remember walking quite a distance with a sister to a neighbor’s house to telephone the doctor. I don’t recall what happened or what was done for the baby, but it turned out not to be serious.
On another occasion, however, the baby became very sick with a respiratory condition. I seem to recall a croupy cough, but whatever the primary illness, it was a fearful time for my parents and for us children. So when a man came calling at our home with a big, black bag (I think), full of knives (I think), the time was right for suspicions and imaginations. We children were too “polite” to get into the middle of the scene, but we did our share of peeping around corners and listening. Dad treated his visitor as cordially as he could under the circumstances, but he was very concerned with his sick boy, so he sent the man on his way.
The air was filled with tension and knowing something was wrong, I questioned my sisters who (I think) told me that the man had come there to kill us all. According to them, Dad played on the man’s sympathy by telling him how sick our little brother was and suggested that he come back at a later time. So the man obliged by gathering up his tools of the trade and left.
A few years later when I related this story to my fourth-grade class, I became painfully aware of looks of disbelief on the faces of my teacher and classmates. It was not until then that I knew the story I had believed to be true was a big lie!
Now, my sisters declare that I misunderstood what they told me about the man who came hoping to make a little money by sharpening our knives and scissors!
When dealing with “perceived” lying in young children, it would be wise to investigate before condemning them. Even adults can be caught up in misconceptions so that they believe what is actually false. Being slow to judge or condemn another, whether young or old, is always the better way.