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Mommy Fails

(This was written a while back)

Last night I cried myself to sleep thinking of all my mommy fails. And today I am thinking of all my fails as a daughter.

What will I do with these failings and the misery I feel from them? I know that I need to reframe them. I know that I need to forgive myself. I know I need to turn loose of these feelings and not let them drag me down. I may need to ask my children’s forgiveness or not. Do I ask forgiveness for being human? Do I ask forgiveness for making mistakes?  I look at my children and the beauty and wonder I see in them and know that either I did something right or God was gracious to over-ride my terrible shortcomings. I know it is God’s goodness!

Recently I was sharing in ladies’ Bible class about feeling guilty about not scrapbooking my children’s childhood and other things. I was amazed at what relief I saw in the other women in my class. First, let me say that I think it is an absolutely beautiful gift to give your children scrapbooks and pictures of their childhood. I will add IF you desire to do that and IF you are able to do that. There just was never enough of me to do that! The thing I learned from this was how huge the expectations we place on ourselves. Women expect a lot from themselves and buy into the lie that we have failed as a mom or wife if we don’t do…..a whole list of things. We also assume every woman does the things we find impossible to do. We also try to live up to an image of what the perfect mom or wife is/or does. We all have limitations.

Despite my shortcomings, HE has done something beautiful. And despite the humanness of my children, HE has done something beautiful. Now it is up to them what they do with what God has blessed them with. I also, have to acknowledge that it is up to me to make the best of what God has given me and the opportunities he has blessed me with. Let us love with the love of God. For love covers a multitude of sins and mistakes.

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Traveling with Children and Ironing Sandwiches

Several years ago when many of our children were little we did a lot of traveling! Whether moving,  out of town overnights for doctor appointments, traveling to visit relatives and friends, or mission trips, we were on the move. We did a lot of different things to maintain our sanity and to make the trip fun. Today I will share a few.

Car picnics. Most of the time I packed a cooler. We especially like raw veggies. I would make peanut butter and jelly or honey sandwiches in the van and hand them out on napkins. Or plates if we were having other foods.

At night I sometimes made ironed sandwiches. I would take a roll of aluminum foil and cheese and bread. If I didn’t have those on hand almost any store would, including convenience stores. You will also need an iron. I usually take an iron (I wear cotton) and almost any motel will have one, if not in the room, at the desk. I place the cheese between two slices of bread and wrap the sandwiches in foil and iron each side of the foil until the cheese is melted and the sandwich is toasted. (And no we did not have Panini makers way back then either.)  Even if we were going to eat out some, we got tired of fast food very quickly and this helped save time and money.

Motels. Because of the labor-intensive work of unpacking and repacking the car each night we came up with a simple solution. We would just take in the sleepwear (for whoever wore any) and toothbrushes, etc. After the kids went for a swim and/or took a shower and were ready to settle down and watch a movie, sleep, read, etc. I would gather up all the dirty clothes and wash them at the motel laundry. They would put them back on the next morning. This made stopping for the night and getting back on the road a lot simpler!

Entertainment in the van. There were various ways to keep children entertained in the van to avoid utter chaos. We memorized scriptures, ABC verses, multiplications, parts of speech, and worked on complicated math problems. There was always singing, mostly spirituals.

We usually had read-aloud books and other books for the children to read on their own. We also made use of audiobooks. I have several fond memories of listening to classics on the road. Sometimes we had themes for the day: kindness, sharing, courage, etc. Sometimes I wrapped up little surprises. When people started getting restless I would give a surprise. Some things we tried worked better than others. Some we used with the older kids and should have used it with the younger ones too. Some we just didn’t think of with the older boys.

Bathroom breaks,  fuel stops, and rest stops. At times to cut down on bathroom breaks I would control when the kids would have a drink. If I knew we were going to make a stop down the road in the next half hour or so I would give the children their drinks. I didn’t want 10 people drinking at 10 different times and all wanting to go to the bathroom at every exit. Each stop takes up a lot of time.  When we were stopping for fuel we tried to take care of everything that we could. Bathroom breaks, snacks, stretching, etc.

Sometimes we needed an extra stop between fuel stops. We made use of rest stops. Everyone got out of the van. We would take the younger kids for a run around while everyone finished their business. We didn’t have to encourage the older ones to stretch their legs they found ways! Climbing trees, on the roofs of rest stops, etc. It felt good to stretch. If we were just making a quick bathroom stop I would make a game of it by timing how long it would take for us to all go to the bathroom and water fountain and back to the car and on the road again. I know this sounds torturous to some but we all survived just fine.

I absolutely loved traveling with my children. I am not sure my children loved it near as much as I did. For many years there were no cell phones, no electronics, no TVs, etc. It was a glorious time for me to spend time with my children. Sometimes it could be long and tiring for all of us but I have many wonderful memories of our traipsing about.

I know that many of you have great ideas so please share them in the comments below. I would love to read them!

 

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Questions?

I have a little favor to ask today?

Do you have any questions for me? Years ago when my older boys were teens they had their own magazine – Redding Magazine. Some of you may have heard of it – it was world famous (well not exactly but nationally maybe). The boys wrote about many topics and it even featured columns by both grandmas and I had my own column! For my column, people submitted questions and I would answer them. It was fun and interesting especially for me. I did get a lot of questions everywhere I went. Probably because a 5-foot tall woman running around everywhere with a van load of kids was a spectacle. I was asked if I was a school, daycare, boy scout troop! So here is your opportunity. You may ask your question in the comment box or you may send it privately to redaredding@gmail.com. I will choose some questions to answer, just for the fun of it! If you do not wish your name to be published let me know. Thanks!

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An Interview with Sarah from China!

Happy Birthday, Sarah!  In honor of Sarah’s birthday, I thought it might be nice to ask her a few questions about her experience in China (so far).

Here are the questions and her responses.

What do you miss the most? Family and friends

What do you wish you had taken with you? More towels because all the towels are very small and strange here.

What do you like the best about teaching English in China? The students and how friendly everyone is.

What is the most surprising thing you have discovered about the Chinese people? Chinese people really care about social status. Also, babies poop in the street until they are seven.

What is the most surprising thing you have discovered about yourself on this trip? I am more Chinese than American. haha.

What makes you happy there? My husband and teaching a really good lesson.

What makes you sad? Not having many women to talk to. Also, how discarded some people are from society. Like the street sweepers.

What is your favorite food so far?Jiaozi or pot stickers.

What size are your classes? 20-25 students

What age are your students? 18-21 although I have one business English class with older men.

What do you want to bring home with you?A fan, a Chinese dress, and nunchucks

What do you enjoy the most? We enjoy going out to the track at about 8:30 pm and running with the community and practicing nunchucks, playing Kungfu or TaiChi, and doing acrobats. The community is wonderful here. The nightlife is especially interesting.

What has made you say WOW? Children walking across busy traffic by themselves and masterfully navigating through the cars is pretty amazing. They are much more brave and skilled than I.

If you have questions you would like answers to leave them in the comment box below and I will see what I can do!

If you would like you can send her birthday wishes at sarahnseth@yahoo.com or leave a comment on here as she is able to read this blog.

Also, remember to share one of my blog posts today or sign up to receive notifications when I make a new post. You will be entered into a drawing to take place in TWO days for the BEST CAN OPENER!!!

Sarah and Seth
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Take Your Children to the Grocery Store

Many people go to great lengths to avoid taking their children to the grocery store. You may think I have lost my mind when I say that I think you SHOULD take your children to the grocery store and that I think you should start while they are very young. This doesn’t mean I think you should never shop alone but I feel I have some very good reasons for you to take them.

First, let me deal with your objections.

You do not know how my children behave. Your children really are not that different than most other kids. I have taken many children to the grocery store. I have witnessed many children in the grocery store. I have worked in a grocery store and seen the daily behavior of parents and children. I have seen children it would be a joy to shop with and children that would be every parent’s nightmare to take shopping. So I have witnessed many behaviors. So I probably have a little bit of an idea.

I spend more money when I take my children. Maybe you do. Is that really your children’s fault? Are you reinforcing bad behaviors? Are you in charge of this mission or are they? Do they control your behavior?

It takes me more time to shop when I take my children. This may very well be true at the beginning. It doesn’t have to always be this way though. Soon it will save you more time, money, and make your life a whole lot easier. Soon you may have teenagers who can take your shopping list and shop for you because they will know how! It is worth the sacrifice! Learn to enjoy this time with your children!

Maybe you have a choice to take your children or not. I didn’t have a choice for many years. My husband worked long days.  It wasn’t easy. There were times my children filled the cart and it didn’t leave me much room to add the food! Or I would get stopped so often by curious people to tell me how cute my children were, or to ask, “are they all yours?” It isn’t easy but teaching them to help and to obey makes it a whole lot easier. Soon though I had built in babysitters which will happen eventually to all moms who have 11 children.  I actually had a choice. I quit taking my younger children to the store with me. One day I realized they really had not been trained to behave properly in the grocery store or taught how to do smart shopping.  I had to change my behavior! Sometimes I would take just one and enjoy some one on one time with them. Other times I would take them all! By this time each one could take a part of the list and go and get the needed items. We needed at least two shopping carts anyway!

I would like to share some of my thoughts about taking your children to the grocery store.

Training 

The grocery store is a great training ground. If you have previously had bad experiences in taking your children to the grocery store then plan more time for this shopping trip and maybe the next few trips. You are going to invest in the future of your children and in your own future. Before you go into the grocery store get your shopping list ready (If your children are usually really out of control then take a short list!).

Before you go in the store tell your children what behavior you expect. Do you know what you expect? If not think about it. I expect my children to listen to me, to walk beside me or ride in the cart if they are younger. I expect them to help if possible. They can help by reading the list or getting three cans of tomatoes. Most children like to help. I do not allow them to ask for things unless I ask their opinion about which item we should buy. I do not allow them to run. I do not allow them to scream or raise their voices. I do not allow them to demand anything! They may ask questions and carry on a conversation.  If you’ve had bad experiences you may feel a little apprehension but act with complete confidence. Do not threaten your children. Do not tell them some great and wonderful thing you will do for them IF they behave. Do not take toys or electronics to entertain your children. They will listen and behave better if you leave those behind.

If your list is on your phone use it for that. On this occasion, however, do not answer calls or texts while you are shopping. Give your focus to your mission and your children. Many times if we are on the phone we get so distracted that we forget what we have come for and take a lot longer to shop or we let our children get totally out of control. So turn off your ringer and interact with your children.

If your children grumble and complain while you are shopping or doing errands ask them to stop.  If they continue to complain, scream, or in some way act up you may have to remove them from the store and discipline them in the car or take them home if necessary. Or come up with a strategy to enforce at the appropriate time depending on how badly this is going. You must win this battle. Perhaps there is a favorite toy they will want to play with later or a favorite game or movie or a friend they want to visit.  Something they DO care about, maybe more than obeying you at the moment. When the subject comes up or they run asking if they can play, visit, watch that movie, etc. tell them NO. Let them know this is because of their behavior and stick with your decision. Do not give in to the temptation to reward them for promising to behave next time. You probably have an idea of what discipline will work best. Whether it is spanking, taking away privileges, or giving chores, etc. If you do not know what will work best then watch your child and think about what will work best.

You have a very important lesson to teach perhaps one of the most important in their young childhood. They must learn to obey! If they do not obey, there are consequences. I was told by a very wise lady to “take great pains with your children while they are young and you won’t have much trouble when they are older.” I believe most children will need spanking at some point in their early years. They do not understand reasoning when they are very young. You cannot explain and reason well enough to keep a two-year-old from running in the parking lot or running in front of moving cars. Physical pain is the best teacher in some circumstances. They need to learn early to obey and that there are consequences when we do not obey. There will always be rules and there are reasons for those rules. Plan to stick with your mission. Your mission is to train your children to obey you in the grocery store and anywhere else you take them and get your grocery shopping done.

Education

Not only will this be behavior training but it will teach your children life skills. Grocery shopping is a very basic skill. Most of us eat at least 3 meals a day. Teach your children the cost of food, the value of food and how to select food. You can also use it for math lessons. You can let your children weigh the vegetables and calculate the cost. Your children will be surprised at the cost of food. Teach your children how to compare shop. What is cheapest by the package? What is cheapest by the ounce? This will save your children money down the road. Teach them how to read labels and why to read labels. This will teach them nutrition. There are so many things they can learn in the grocery store.

Other Benefits

You meet all kinds of people in the grocery store. Older, younger, rich, poor, etc. Kids find people interesting. And people especially older people enjoy seeing children out doing everyday things. Being enjoyed by others is esteem boosting. Learning to obey your parents and behave will also have inner rewards for your children. Once they learn to behave they may be appalled at the behavior of other children. It is humiliating for the parents and the children and others who witness misbehaving children. Young children will feel secure knowing they are not in charge.

A trip to the grocery store can open a world of opportunities. Your children will help you and learn to help others.

I would love to hear your comments.