What would you tell your 20-year-old self? I was reading a blog post this morning that challenged me to take a few minutes to look back. Look back and see where I’ve been and how far I have come. I glance back occasionally but don’t really delve into it too much.
Born in 1960 and now I am 60! How did that happen? That 40 years sure was full. So what would I tell my 20-year-old self? I would probably say live with purpose and not so much fear. It’s ok not to have all the answers. I’m not sure if I am unique or if it is common for most 20-year-old girls to be fearful. I had a lot of optimism in some things yet uncertainty about others. I was intense. Trying to be perfect and to parent perfectly. I know now how unrealistic I was.
Turbulent Teens
After a rough time with ups and downs in my teen years (aren’t all teen years like that?) I feel like my 20’s were filled with more purpose. However, I feel I carried so much regret and fear well into my 20’s. Regret for my mistakes regrets for love not shown, selfishness, bad decisions, and bad attitudes that had accompanied my teen years. It would have been better if I could have accepted those things and forgiven myself.
Campaigns Northwest gave me a renewed zeal in my faith and new strength.
As an alumna of Campaigns Northwest, 1979, and 1980 were life-changing years. I knew I wanted to live my life fully planted on Jesus! I was committed to loving God and living for him. Yes, I still had failures and sinkholes to dig myself out of but I absolutely knew where I was going. Marrying a preacher man carried me into that life with full force. It was the perfect fit for my life and 40 years later we are still going strong.
Campaigns Northwest – West Seattle Team – 20-year-old me
So what would I tell my 20-year-old self? That everything is going to be ok. Life is full of ups and downs and a lot of lessons to be learned. Learn to live with purpose and big love, forgive your mistakes, and move on. Stay focused. God will carry you through whatever comes your way.
Oh, the stories I could tell of my 30’s and being pregnant and nursing babies for almost a full decade. But that is a story for another day.
Finding my way through grief. People may define the different stages of grief in a variety of ways but most of them go something like the following list.
Stages of Grief
Shock
Denial
Pain/Guilt
Depression
Acceptance/Hope
I’m not sure what order these things go in but they are there when you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, health, job, lifestyle, marriage, or the loss of what could have been. And as we go through the ups and downs which are a part of life we will surely experience all of these at some point and some more than once.
You may have an image of what grief looks like but it will take you by surprise and look different.
Losing My Dad
When I lost my dad unexpectedly after heart surgery the tears did not come for a while. I had to accept this. Some people can cry and let it all out and that’s ok. I couldn’t even verbalize my grief. Carrying on the motions of my day, on the outside looking normal yet in shock on the inside. Doing my shopping I would see something that reminded me of my dad and pain would come crashing over me so unexpectedly. I couldn’t have anticipated it. It would knock me down and engulf me as unexpected waves do at the beach. I catch my breath and move on.
Grieving the relationship and stories I had lost, time and again and the grandfather my children and grandchildren would live without. I think some griefs are life long and will continue to hit you when you least expect it. Maybe every time it will not immobilize you as it once did but you will still feel the familiar loss as it crashes down around you. There is a hole.
Another Loss
Time moves. What seems a short time later I lost my father-in-law who had been such a friend and encouragement to me for over 30 years. What an emptiness he left in my world. Again I couldn’t speak of my loss it was a huge rock sitting on my chest.
One day I will have more family and friends on the other side than here in this world and I will long, even more, to go to my heavenly home.
Inclusion Body Myositis
Finding my way through grief. Sometimes we experience a different kind of grief. Five years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Inclusion Body Myositis my world was shaken. I felt some guilt for my self-pity, after all, he was the one with the life-altering disease, not me. His world was shaken the most! I went through a terrible grieving process for him and me. I stayed calm for the most part on the outside but I was still stunned.
We were wrapped in prayers and support from our family and people all over the country and I will be forever grateful for the outpouring of love we were blessed and sustained with. Our Christian family is amazing.
When this happened I had to leave my wonderful life at home and go to work. Most of my children were grown. The three left at home were all capable of taking care of the daily things needed and they had their dad with them while I worked. Yet I grieved this loss.
Empty Nest Worries
Finding my way through grief. Some losses are expected. When my children started leaving home I felt a little sadness and some grief I may not have realized at the time. I grieved the daily time I had with them. As each one left the younger ones would grieve too. The days turned into years so fast. How could it be time already?
However, although I grieved I also felt some excitement about what my children were doing and what an impact they would make on the world. I trusted they would find their way and that they would make this world a better place and I believe they are on their way to doing that.
Mistakes
I thought some of my children left a little premature but you know what? They made it! They made their own decisions and survived their consequences. Yes, they made some bad choices and learned from them as we all should. I am sure we all have some embarrassing moments we would rather forget. The important thing is to keep going. Keep learning from your mistakes. Don’t let your mistakes define you nor theirs. Don’t let your mistakes immobilize you. Don’t get stuck. Every human being makes mistakes and has to recover from them. So we continue to find our way through life’s ups and downs.
What can we learn from our mistakes?
Most of the time our mistakes can give us a lot of insight into the world and ourselves and teach us things we could not have learned any other way. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and think we can’t recover from our mistakes and this becomes a cycle of falling and laying there a while and then climbing out. More of life’s ups and downs.
What can we learn? We have to learn that we can’t undo our mistakes. If we have done wrong we pray and ask God to help lift us up and help us to do better next time. By evaluating we can learn from it and how to approach it better next time. Then we get up and do the next right thing. It took me a long time before I realized that I could learn from other people’s experiences and that I didn’t have to make every mistake myself.
James
Am I ready for an empty nest? I don’t want to let the last little one fly away. With James #10 I was more worried about his leaving because I wasn’t sure if I had prepared him enough. I now know that was silly and he has done great. He may not know everything he needs to know to follow his path but who does? He is courageous and smart enough to find the answers and resources he needs. And he has God! He approaches everything with an “all in” attitude. I wish I had a smidgen of his discipline when I was his age and truthfully maybe now too.
I am so excited his hard work is paying off. He is playing football and has a 4.0 in his first two semesters of college. I’m excited that he will have an article published this week about something he is passionate about. Finance! He’s great with money, fitness, and whatever he puts his mind to. He is flying!
Esther
Esther is all over the place with her interests. Whatever she settles on I know she will bring a lot of heart and compassion to the world. She’s long had a fascination with anatomy, nutrition, and health, a lover of nature. In the last couple of years, she has been interested in nursing, midwifery, doula, real estate investing, organic medicinal gardening, etc. I’m not sure if she will settle on any of those but she will do well regardless. Esther is a beautiful Christian young lady with a strong faith which is most important.
Sometimes it feels so essential to make a decision but the reality is, it’s ok to carry on and wait and see what comes your way. Meanwhile whatever your hand finds to do do it with all your might. I wrote more about that in Choosing Your Path or Letting Your Path Choose You.
So life has its seasons of grief, rejoicing, pain, triumph, and defeat. But I am finding my way through grief and life’s ups and downs. I continue, pressing forward until the day Jesus comes or I go to meet him.
I am feeling productive today, how about you? Don’t you just love early mornings? The air feels so cool before the scorching heat takes over in the afternoon. My morning routine usually includes starting the laundry before heading downstairs. Then I sent some messages to a friend and a son. Next, I worked on my sourdough bread. I now have 3 loaves rising. My tomato plants need repotting so I worked on that a bit. Well, actually a lot!
My first tomato!
Early Morning Walk
Esther and I headed out for a morning walk around our neighborhood. People were out and about already. Our walk went by so fast and easy as we chatted about the scriptures and our goals for the day. It was interesting to me that the passage in Acts 9 came up from three different sources in one day. Youth group, private study, and our ladies’ class book. When I realized that I decided I wanted to take a closer look at it.
Dorcas
One of the things which crossed my mind while reading about Dorcas was, what must the women who had prepared her for burial have thought? I don’t recall ever noticing that she had already been washed and prepared for burial before they laid her in an upstairs room. This was what women did for their friends and family. Can you imagine how sad they were? Dorcas had been such an amazing lady always doing good and helping the poor as we read in Acts 9:36. Apparently, she had the gift and the heart to sew clothes for the poor and widowed.
Two men went to Peter and asked him to come to Joppa. When he came he went upstairs to the room and sent the grieving widows out of the room. He got down on his knees (he knew where our help comes from and who has the power) and prayed. Then he turned to Tabitha and said get up! And she did. He called to the believers and presented her alive to them! Amazing!
God Can Bring the Dead to Life
God can bring the dead to life. Sometimes we may be dead in other ways and through God’s love and forgiveness we can become a living productive woman that God can use. Dorcas was a woman God was using and now that would surely only increase. Can’t you just hear people whispering? “That’s the woman Peter raised from the dead!”
Today I am thankful for this one beautiful day God has given me to live. I am a woman raised from the dead to live a new life in Christ! Praise God for his gift of life! May you be encouraged to use this day to his glory.
So my new adventure begins. I didn’t really plan to have this adventure. So how did I embark on it? It all started with being cold. As many of you know I am very cold natured. Yes, I am using my heater by my desk even in June in Tennessee. Confession time, I don’t really like air conditioning. It is 88° in Antioch, Tn this morning. So, the outside temperature is not the problem. When I go outside in the summer I am hot. When I come inside I am cold. In the winter I have the opposite problem. So you see, I really don’t like being hot or cold. I bundle up in the house to please the rest of my family who is always hot. If I am going someplace where there will be air conditioning I almost always take an overshirt or jacket.
How Did My Adventure Begin?
Anyway, back to my story. In February I was getting ready for my day with my little heater running in my bathroom. I got a little too close and tripped over it and landed in my bathtub. I know this is too much information but this is how I embarked on my new adventure. This really took me by surprise. I ended up with a little bruise and iced it for a bit but it didn’t improve so I called my physician and went in for his opinion. He said to use heat and ibuprofen. I did that for a few weeks and still no improvement. Two months later it is getting worse and actually starting to interfere with my life a bit, especially my sleep.
So I go back to the doctor and he ordered an MRI. I have had the blessing of a long healthy life so I didn’t know what I was getting into. I was actually excited about getting to the root of the problem until the put me on the table and laid a weighted cage on me and put earplugs in my ears. And I knew that there was no way I could go in that tube. Thankfully, the tech realized it too, and gave me the option to try the open MRI machine. I did much better with it. Not great but better. He was very understanding and I greatly appreciated his attitude.
How did I survive the MRI?
Prayer first, plus I knew I had a praying sister nearby that I could call. (she works there). Next, I closed my eyes before going under the machine. Then I started going through all of my memory verses. This is good on many levels. Scriptures give me comfort and remind me of God’s promises, and then I started to go through the memories of all my births. I know this seems a strange thing to do but it actually makes sense. I recently completed my doula training and thought this would help me to remember what helped me the most. Plus this kept my mind on good things. During the test, the tech would update me on how many scans were completed so that I knew there would be an end to it. This helped a lot!
Four Months Later
After four months I realized this situation was not getting better. I made the suggested visit to the Orthopedist that had treated James when he broke his ankle. He was very good with James so that made sense to me to go with him. He read my MRI results and gave me the good news that I would not need surgery. He suggested I visit the Physical Therapist and get some exercises to help.
After my visit to the Physical Therapist and setting a plan, I am feeling very hopeful that I will be back to normal in a couple of months. By the way, it was fun to make a connection with my PT. He used to go to church with my older sons and he knew James through his journey with his broken ankle.
Choosing your path in life seems like a very practical thing. It seems logical. Right? Proactive, yes! All successful people do this, don’t they?
Have you always known what you were going to do? When you were a small child and someone asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Did you have an immediate answer?
I think my first answer was probably, “I want to be a mom!” That was a given from the early years when I was running around in my yard and climbing trees and chasing piglets. I knew I wanted to be a mom. I had a picture in my mind of what that would look like. So I practiced on my little sister and neighbor friends. I would clean the house and make them Kool-Aid and snacks. I still had plenty of time to play with them too though.
High School Years
By the time I was 13 years old and in seventh grade, I knew I wanted to be the President of the United States. I was sure I could make a difference in the world. The kids at school had a great time making fun of me about that one.
As I finished my high school years I thought I knew how life was going to go. I had abandoned the idea of becoming the President of the United States of American by the time I graduated from Mortimer Jordan High School in 1977.
I thought I would marry my high school sweetheart but he never asked so I went on with Plan B to go to college. I thought I knew which college I wanted to attend. I applied to Auburn University (AU) and waited for that acceptance letter. Meanwhile, I was invited to spend the weekend at another college in southern Alabama, Alabama Christian College (ACC) a small two-year school. That weekend I chose my path and the direction of my life. I made the decision to attend ACC. The acceptance letter to AU arrived the next day.
College Life
My freshman year was filled with wonderful new friends and experiences. As a Communications major, I was given the opportunity to interview experts for our school radio program. I also wrote for the school newspaper. Being a member of the Phi Lambda social club and student government brought another dimension to college life. Meanwhile, my role as Freshman Class Representative took me to Abilene, Texas. Abilene has to be one of the windiest places I have ever been to. I learned very quickly to hold my skirt down while trying to walk across campus.
Abilene, Texas
I did not know until a few years later what Abilene, Texas would give me. I was attending a conference with people from all over the U.S. I met two young men I would never see again nor remember their names. Yet they had a BIG impact on my life. These two young men were from Freed-Hardeman College (FHC). They assured me that FHC was the greatest school! ACC was a 2 year school when I was there. So when the time came for me to transfer I transferred to FHC.
ACC (Faulkner University) is a Christian college so that brought my heart to a deeper focus on spiritual matters. Devotionals, Bible classes, and my first mission trip opened up a whole new world for me. This love for God would stay with me as I transferred to FHC and for the rest of my life.
My first date at FHC was with a handsome blond boy named Lawrence Redding who was born in Abilene, Texas and that story continues to this day.
So did I choose my path or did my path choose me?
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
You are about to find out how to make Taco Bake without a recipe. For our Sunday lunch yesterday I decided to keep it simple and make Taco Bake. What is Taco Bake? Read on!
My friend Pam shared this with me many years ago. Thank you, Pam! Am I ever excited that she is moving across the country and will be a whole lot closer to me! (and a few other people).
Taco Bake is a simple casserole that is very filling and easy to adjust to your preferences. It is made with ingredients we keep on hand almost all of the time. Rice, beans, taco seasoning, meat and/or chicken and cheese. Have leftovers? Here is a great use for them. This is how I make Taco Bake without a recipe.
You may want to lightly coat your pan with oil or spray it with cooking spray. Any size pan will do depending on your family size. I choose my pan based on how many will be here to eat. If this is going to be a weeknight dinner I will use my 13X9 pan because James is always happy to finish the leftovers. Yesterday I used my giant heavy-duty 1/2 sheet cake pan I have used for years and years because I was expecting a family crowd.
Ingredients:
Rice, refried or cooked pinto beans, taco seasoning, meat and/or chicken, and shredded cheese.
Layer 1
First I layer cooked rice not more than an inch deep. You may use white, brown, long-grain, short-grain, whatever type you prefer.
Layer 2
Cooked taco meat or chicken. Have you noticed the price of beef? I was so shocked at the cost of the cheapest ground beef that I almost made it with chicken. In the end, I decided to combine ground turkey and beef. Cook the meat and drain and season it with taco seasoning. Spread this over the rice layer. This time I used 3 lbs. of ground beef and 3 lbs. of ground turkey. You can use any leftover turkey, chicken, beef, etc. Or make it vegetarian.
Layer 3
Refried beans or as I usually do cook some pinto beans or use some leftover ones.
Cover the top with shredded cheddar or Mexican blend cheese.
Bake in the oven at 350° until it is hot and bubbly and the cheese is melted. Now you are ready to enjoy it!
FREEZER MEAL – After Layer 4 you can cover it with a layer of plastic wrap and heavy-duty foil, label, and freeze. When you get ready to use thaw and uncover and follow the regular instructions.
Do you remember the Crosby, Stills, and Nash song: Teach Your Children Well? Here are the lyrics. Listen here.
TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL
You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good-bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father’s hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you’ll know by.
Don’t you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry,
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you.
And you, of tender years,
Can’t know the fears that your elders grew by,
And so please help them with your youth,
They seek the truth before they can die.
Teach your parents…
Child of the 60s
I was born in Birmingham, Alabama on February 26, 1960. A child of the 60s and 70s. Lawrence and I met in college and married in 1980. A year later I became a mom. Determined to be a good mom I researched the scriptures, studied parenting books, and interviewed people I thought were good parents. Are there any perfect parents? No! Even though I wanted to be the perfect parent. I knew there were no perfect parents but I wanted to do it right! It may seem funny now but I was very intentional about it. This approach became a pattern for my learning not only about parenting but other things as well. Read scriptures, read books, and interview people.
Lawrence and Reda 1980Lawrence & Reda
Homeschooling
Not only did I want to be a good mom but I wanted to teach my children myself. Homeschool was not even a word back then nor did I know anyone who taught their own children or would consider doing so. Somehow unknowingly I found myself at the forefront of a movement that continues today. It has morphed as time has passed but is still alive and well. Hopefully, I can write more about that later.
When I started this post I was intending to share my journey into parenting and homeschooling. However, considering the current atmosphere in our country I have decided to take this a different direction. It does not matter what choice you have made about schooling. We all teach our children. Whether it is intended or not. Some of life’s most important lessons come from home and come early in life.
“Child with Toy Hand Grenade in Central Park”
Your children learn from you. This song has been in my head for a couple of weeks. After a little research, I found out that Nash wrote this song after seeing a famous photograph by Diane Arbus that depicts a child with an angry expression holding a toy weapon. According to an interview, he wrote this song to reflect on the messages given to children about war. There are a lot of messages given to children!
Love
Whether you know it or not you do teach your children. Teach them well. It is your job to teach them how to love and how to be loved. It is your job to teach them the truth, God’s truth. God’s ways are different from the world and so should ours be.
John 13:34&35, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, all men will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.”
I John 2:11 “But anyone who hates a brother or sister is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.”
Matthew 5: 43-48 says, “You have heard that it was said, “Love your neighbor” and hate your enemy. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
God Shows No Partiality
Peter learned this and we should too. In Acts 10:34 “So Peter opened his mouth and said: “Truly I understand that God shows no partiality,”
Be Light Givers
This is what God says in Matthew 5:14, “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”
Yes I was born in Alabama in the 1960s and I saw racial prejudice, social prejudice, and more, but I did not embrace that because I was taught well at home. I do not remember having a conversation about this. I was taught by my parent’s example and I am thankful for that!
