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Malawi Journal – Day 6 – Visiting Wells and Dedicating a Well

Visting Wells

Malawi Journal Day 6. Today we are visiting wells. I am very excited that we will be dedicating a well in honor of my mother-in-law, Jo Redding. We had planned to leave early because we will be making a long journey today. We were a bit slow this morning and did not leave until 7:30 am.

The roads are muddy from the heavy rain last night. The earth looks so green after the rain. The houses surrounded with cornfields are a beautiful sight to see. I see corn planted almost to the doors.

This is our first time to travel this far north in Malawi. It is more mountainous and very green this time of year. There are signs of forestry management. I have heard this is a logging area but I have not seen any logging trucks.

Monkeys

Esther saw a monkey! I started looking and only saw one in a tree. She saw two today! We passed a mountain called Elephant Mountain. It does look like an elephant. I am sure my children would love to climb these mountains.

We are on our way to dedicate the well for my mother-in-law but there are a lot of delays along the way. Most of the delays are caused by the heavy rains. There was a big traffic jam going over a bridge. I am not sure what is causing the delay but cars and trucks are backed up on both sides of the bridge. It looks like they are building a bridge beside this one. Erosion of the banks nearby seems a concern to me though I cannot really tell what is going on.

Rumphi

We are soon on our way and enter an new district for us, Rumphi. At Rumphi we pick up Brighton who will be our guide. The rivers and streams have overflowed in several places as a result of the heavy rains last night. This slows our travel once again. We make it across this road and soon cross a larger river with lots of rushing water. I believe this river is called the Mbirizi River.

Buwira Village

Our first village is Buwira Village. We drive down a road which is much like a cow path. Soon we get stuck in the mud caused by last night’s rains. We decide to continue on foot while Lawrence stays with the van and some village young men who help to rescue the car. This village has a well that has already been dedicated in memory of Natalie Ennis Church. We are here to place the plaque. The village leaders come out and express how much this well means to them. They want us to walk down to the stream where there water used to come from. They sing songs of gratitude.

Malawi Journal
Stuck in the mud

Chikwawa Village

We walk back to the car and I am very happy to see that it is out of the mud and on dry land. We all climb in and head to our next stop, the dedication! The car is running rough but we make it to the village of Chikwawa. Drums are playing and people are dancing and singing to welcome us.

We greet one another and gather under a tobacco shelter with the village leaders. There are always speeches and welcomes. Lawrence speaks about his mother and her long life of love and dedication to God. And because her life lived for God we honor her this day with this well. The people rejoice. We know that Jo Redding will be very happy these people have received clean water.

We walk to the well to cut the ribbons to open it for use for the very first time. Lawrence pumps some water and puts some on his head to cool off! Everyone laughs. Esther and I also pump some water and then the women. The women put buckets on their heads and sing songs of celebration. Esther is given a bucket with a small  amount of water to try to carry on her head. Everyone cheers and laughs and sings as the drums continue to play. This is truly a wonderful day that life has come to this village. This well will supply water to 450 households! Average household is 5 members.

Betere Village

We get back in the car and proceed to our third stop, Betere. This well is in memory of Sarah Elizabeth Hart and has already been dedicated. The village leaders and some members come to welcome us and express their appreciation for this well. We place the third plaque and head for home. Two preachers accompany us. Well after dark we reach home and eat and fall asleep quickly.

Malawi Journal
Well dedication Chikwawa
Malawi Journal
Buwira Village
Malawi Journal
Betere Village in Memory of Sarah Elizabeth Hart
Malawi Journal
Betere Village
Malawi Journal
Buwira Village in Memory of Natalie Ennis Church
Malawi Journal
Chikwawa Village
Malawi Journal
Ribbon Cutting opening Chikwawa Well
Malawi Journal
Esther – Chikwawa Village
Malawi Journal
Esther- Betere Village
Malawi Journal
Well at Betere in memory of Sarah Elizabeth Hart

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Unexpected Happenings in the Covid Life

The excitement was building as I packed, weighed, and readjusted my bags. Hoping to carry the most needful things to my friends in Africa. Just a few more days and we would be on our long flight. I was excited about spending two months in one community but I was also dreading the 14-hour flight with a mask. And then the unexpected happenings in the Covid life.

Discovering Anxiety

Last year I discovered that I must suffer anxiety at least in some situations. After falling last February and tearing a muscle in my arm, I am a lot more careful for sure. Visiting the doctor to assess the damage, I went home and assumed it would be back to normal soon. After months of trying various things, I gave up.

I have no insurance so I do not go to the doctor very often. I went back to the doctor and he ordered an MRI. Thinking nothing of it I showed up for my test got strapped in and prepared for my test. The earplugs were the last straw. I knew there was no way I could go in that tube. Asking for a moment to get me together the tech took one look at my face and must have seen something resembling terror. He said, “she can’t do this. The other machine is available so let’s try that.” I managed with much prayer, closed eyes, and a conversation with the tech to be able to manage this one. I rehearsed each Bible memory verses I had memorized in my 60 years and felt a new wave of gratitude for my healthy life.

Covid

Covid Testing Requirement

Back to my trip. I was already planning my coping skills. Lots of diet coke, bathroom breaks, eating, sleeping, books to read, lessons to review, etc. Our bags are all packed except my personal item and Lawrence’s carry-on. We had taken the required Covid PCR test and awaited the results ($750 poorer). The nurse called and said your test is negative, Esther’s test is negative but Lawrence’s test is positive. My heart stops. We fly tomorrow, at least we were supposed to fly.

Lawrence and I sit and discuss possibilities. This is an unexpected situation. We feel pretty good. No one has a fever. Lawrence has a little cough. Could it be a false positive? The nurse said not likely and to quarantine for 10 days and go from there. I contact the airlines, our friends in Malawi. They ask questions I have no answers for. Will we all get it? Do we reschedule our flight? Do we assume the best outcome or wait? Wait.

The Wait

We are on day 11 of the wait. What do I do when I was not supposed to be here? Better prepare my lessons, order groceries, update everyone of the change of plans. Check on others we may have been around as we wait for us all to get sick. We take vitamin C, D, Zinc, lots of fluids, juices, and chicken soup, check our temperature and oxygen levels, and rest and pray.

I am so very thankful to know God and to know his timing is best. Thankfulness for the prayer and concern of loving friends and family. Thankful that we apparently suffered a mild case.

So yesterday was the suggested day to retest and now we wait again for the results to see if we proceed with our plans.

 

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Merry Merry Christmas to You!

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Merry Merry Christmas to you! As we near the end of the year and look back you no doubt will have some strong memories. Tomorrow is Christmas. My wish for you is that you will have joy, peace, and gratitude as you head into the new year. That’s what we all wish for, right? Well, at least the joy and peace part. Sometimes we just want to have our own little pity party and rehearse all the bad things which have happened to us. Say NO to that!

You are so blessed

Yes, this year has been a doozy! But look closely at your life and see all the fantastic and beautiful things that have happened amidst the struggles. Please remember those things. Choose to celebrate the blessings instead of the struggles at least for one day. I do not know your circumstance but I do know that you are so blessed. Refuse to give in to the negative. Make your day full of joy and gratitude. You will feel better and so will everyone else you share space with.

A tiny list of my blessings

God is my Father!

Unlimited supply of clean safe water.

Food.

Two legs.

Ability to speak.

I have two eyes and I can see.

I have an amazing family. Yes, both physical and spiritual!

My husband’s health has improved this year.

A new grandson this year.

There are thousands of things that I could add to this list but this is just a tiny list so I will stop there. Why don’t you make your own tiny list?

Thank You!

I want to thank you for reading my blog this year. You have brought me joy in so many tiny and big ways. Your words of encouragement have lifted me up! Have a beautiful Christmas and a Happy New Year.

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Putting More Joy in Your Christmas

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Putting more joy in your Christmas

What Christmas traditions do you have that do not require spending money? Or buying gifts? Can you really have a Christmas without things? I personally do not know. I have lived most of my life in the land of plenty. But traveling to some of the poorest countries in the world really has had an impact on my perspective. There are many places and people in the world who never even question what they will buy for Christmas. Yet they are full of joy at the approach of Christmas.

What do you do when you have little or no money to create a big Christmas? One friend told me that you make the celebration bigger. Homemade decorations maybe, Christmas movies together, hot cocoa or popcorn.

Maybe this year you have chosen to keep Christmas simple for many reasons or just want to add some simpler touches.

Childhood Memories

So ask yourself what memories do you have from childhood? What was fun? Compare Christmas from your childhood with what Christmas looks like now. If you have children at home maybe you can share stories of your childhood Christmas. Most kids love stories. Get the grandparents involved with sharing their stories of childhood Christmas past.

What do you wish for? Personally, I think the gift of time is the best.

Here are a few suggestions for putting more joy in your Christmas

Play charades

Caroling to your neighbors or with them

Lego building contest

Flash mob of Christmas songs

Gingerbread men or houses or Graham Cracker houses

Bake sugar cookies and decorate them.

Make ornaments

Paper chains even the youngest children enjoy doing this.

Have friends or family over just to enjoy time (no gifts allowed) calm, lowkey day, sing songs, put together a puzzle, play a game. Eat soup maybe Andalusian Christmas Soup but keep it simple.

Making gifts for each other from things you have on hand – give a favorite book you’ve read, with your own review or some unknown tidbit about the author. Maybe you have a teacup to share.

Make coupons for backrubs, no chores pass, clean out your car, etc.

Giving something from your wealth of possessions to friends and family.

Write a poem or story for a specific person.

Give extra blankets, coats, gloves, etc. to those in the cold.

Perhaps you will want to purchase a “doing gift” for your family. An experience. This can be a lot of fun but may require some scheduling.

I know that many of you have some great ideas to share. Please do share below!

 

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The Story of a Single Hug and It’s Importance

Hug
Hug your grandmother today!

Sunday Morning Rush

The story of a single hug and it’s importance. You may not know how powerful and important a single hug can be. Today I want to share with you a little story of a single hug and it’s importance. Here is my story.

Rushing around I make sure everyone is getting ready to go. We wake up early to get everyone ready for church. I hate being late so I try to prepare as much as I can the night before. The kids choose their clothes the night before including shoes which you know can disappear at a moment’s notice. Missing shoes (or keys) can send my attitude into a downward spiral and make everyone miserable. I try to avoid that!  Anyway, back to the story.

Breakfast in the Van

We are rushing around dressing children and getting shoes on and hair brushed. This can take a bit of doing when you have 8 or 9 or 11 children. The van is full of children and I count to make sure we haven’t missed anyone. On Sunday mornings we skip breakfast and eat Little Debbie granola bars in the van on the way to the church building. We arrive a few minutes early and I remind the little ones to use the restroom BEFORE church. The children make their rounds greeting everyone but especially the older ladies. Grandma Lark is a favorite. She is a tiny little lady with a big smile and a happy personality.

A Single Hug

While the kids are passing out hugs and giving smiles, I stop and talk with Goldie, a widow, about her week. “Everyone needs 5 hugs a day”, I tell her as I give her a hug. Her next words stay with me forever. That’s the first hug I’ve had since my husband died. This breaks my heart and stays in my mind for years. I am sure she is not the only one. I give out more hugs now.

Research of Touch

Dr. Tiffany Field has researched physical touch for four decades and has concluded that touch promotes better health, mental and physical. She saw an increase in the natural killer cells that kill viral and bacteria cells in those with more physical touch. The study also found children are physically and verbally stronger and less aggressive when they have the physical touch. Even premature babies gain weight better and go home earlier when they have the physical touch. Physical touch is healing.

From the time we are in the womb through our elderly years, touch plays a primary role in our development and physical and mental well-being. New studies on touch continue to show the importance of physical contact in early development, communication, personal relationships, and fighting disease. Dr. Tiffany Field

Human touch is so vital to our well being. The practice of sharing a smile and a hug will enrich your life! Covid 19 has put a damper on this for sure. Instead of mourning one more thing we have lost I challenge you to put down your phone and computer and give attention to those in your path. Smile, pat a shoulder and for sure hug those in your house for the health of it, for the joy of it, and the love of it.

Hug
Hug

For further study:

Read this good article about Why Physical Touch Matters by following the link below.

https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_physical_touch_matters_for_your_well_being

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Working for the Census 2020 – Exhausting and Exciting

Back Roads of Tennessee
Back Roads of Tennessee

Local Work

Working for the Census 2020 was exhausting and full of exciting challenges each day!

When I first started I worked in my own neighborhood. The extrovert in me was thrilled to see the beautiful faces of my community. My faith in people was restored as I met many wonderful people every day. What a contrast to the community I see on the news. I believe this is the heart of my real community. Yes, there is evil and injustice going on in the world but I choose to believe that is not the heartbeat of America! Good triumphs over evil!

Traveling the Back Roads

When my county was nearing completion I was offered the opportunity to be part of the travel team. It was hard being away and out of touch with my family for 3 weeks but I am so thankful I accepted this opportunity. Working for the Census of 2020 was exhausting and exciting.

Sometimes when I think about my life I feel like I have lived three lifetimes and this is just one of them.

I drove through the most beautiful creeks and backroads in rural Tennessee. The shallow clear streams which echo with the sounds of laughter of children on hot summer days and the sound of birds and insects buzzing in the early morning calm. Fog lifting and bringing in the sunshine to sparkle on the creek. Driving for hours with no cell phone signals, no gas stations or businesses. And obviously, no bathrooms. I contended with chiggers and mosquitos and dogs!

Collecting Stories

I came to envy somewhat the peacefulness of the people. They appear so content with life. How did they get that way? Why don’t I have that? I asked myself.

I especially liked meeting the old widows still living alone in their homes. So at peace with the same home, they spent most of their lives in. They were not fearful when I knocked on their door. (The rifle was right beside the door).  Gracious people greeted me with a smile and a welcome. They shared bits and pieces of their story and life. We connected about our children and grandchildren. Our love for the herbs or flowers or tomatoes growing near their houses. They tell me of their husbands and their life together.

How do they sit on their porch and enjoy watching leaves float by on the creek in front of their homes? They live downstream from where their grandparents lived before them or perhaps in the home, their parents or grandparents had built and lived in for years. They can tell you all the neighbors because most are related. I want to breathe this in and savor it.

Family

Aunts and Uncles and neighbors who have spent their lives not very far from where they were born. This touched me deeply. The generational ties are strong. They each have stories.

Family cemeteries and roads named after their relatives. Churches grandpa Brown sawed the lumber for and helped to build in the 1800s. Roots, connections, etc.

Farmers, politicians, stay home moms, caregivers, sheriffs, teachers, lawyers, doctors, and lots of nurses, etc. I met some amazing people each having a fascinating story of life. Most people do not think their story is so fascinating.

They may have grown up in the same house attended school in that same community, married their childhood sweetheart, helped grow the local church, etc. We each have an amazing story of life. I longed to stay on the porch and hear more of their life, more of their story.

Old Homesteads

The houses almost hidden from view contain stories too. Old homesteads are well hidden from cars passing each day. I climbed mountains and went through fields looking for old homesteads. I wanted to gaze at them and find out about the people who had lived there and why the house was abandoned to go back to the earth.

Why are so many houses sitting empty and deteriorating? Grandpa’s house, Uncle Joe’s house, mom and dad’s house? Is there some emotional connection that does not let relatives sell or occupy these homes? Why are there 3 empty houses and the only person around living in an RV keeping watch over the family land?

Porches Call to Me

The porches call to me. Porches covered with tin roofs. Trees making a canopy over the whole yard. The swings hanging from large trees in the front. Creeks wandering through the property. Old barns tucked into the trees.

Dust was thrown up with each passing car. And a wave to those passing by.

Red chert dug out of hillsides covers the roads along the creeks of Tennessee and take me back to earlier days. Slower days. Gentler days in many respects.

Vacant land where once a home stood. Once a mom and dad dwelled. Raising their family, working the farm, burying the dead in the family cemetery. The stories drift by and I catch a ray of sunshine.

So yes working for the Census 2020 was exhausting and exciting and sometimes even scary (but that’s another story) today I am thankful I accepted the opportunity!

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Do you have a WELCOME sign?

Do you have a welcome sign?

Welcome Signs

Do you have a Welcome sign? One of those cute new fads the porch leaner that has WELCOME on it maybe a sunflower or some other cute decoration. Do you have scripture printed on cute little plaques on your porch or scripture stones in your garden?

I’ve seen these popping up all over my neighborhood and I have begun to notice them more everywhere I go. What does it mean to you? What does WELCOME really mean? Is it just a cute decoration? A nice sign to put on your porch or is it something from your heart? Who are you welcoming to your home? Friends? Family? What about strangers? Lost people? What about door to door salesman? What about Census workers? How far does your WELCOME extend?

Can you spare any kindness today? Does your response to the unexpected knock at your door show the kind of person you are? When you hear a knock do you immediately assume it is an unwelcome intrusion you don’t want to be bothered with? Or do you open the door with a smile? Regardless of who knocks at your door, you can give them a friendly greeting. It might make a bigger difference in the world than you can imagine.

Scripture and Yard Signs

Do you have one of those JESUS the Way, the Truth, the Life yard signs? Or scripture plaques? Are they meant to be a reflection of your heart? Is this a true message you are hoping to share with the world?  When I approach a door and see Jesus signs, scriptures, or a welcome sign I make some assumptions. My first thought is someone believes in Jesus! I expect a friendly response from a house that has such a display. Instead, it seems people have forgotten what they are displaying in front of their houses.

Your Response

I have been admiring these signs for a while but after noticing the response of people it made me pause and consider. Am I am ready to display a WELCOME by my door?  How do my responses reflect my true heart?

It really doesn’t matter why someone is at your door you still have an opportunity to be a blessing right from your own front porch. Regardless of your interest in what the person is there for you can respond in a kind way. You will feel better and they will too. Kindness and smiles are never wasted.

Do you have a WELCOME sign?
Do you have a WELCOME sign?

My friend Lori Morse Winslow has a beautiful heart and she can help you make some beautiful items and this is just one of them! Check them out here.

 

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Hospitality Can Change the World Yours and Mine

Hospitality can change the world yours and mine. What is hospitality? Webster’s Dictionary definition is the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.

Acts 16:15  says, “Come to my house and stay.”

When you hear the words, “come to my house”, how does that make you feel? Kathy McWhorter Kendall in her book A Chosen Few, asks the question. Appreciated? Honored? I think one of the keys to being more hospitable is understanding how it makes you feel but turning it around and focusing on the other person and how they feel.

People want to know that you are interested in them. I crave connection. Judging from my experience I am not alone. The people I meet on my doorstep passing by or buying things at the market prove this to be so. I’ve had hugs in the grocery store and people exchange phone numbers too.

Earl Lavender spoke at Smyrna Church of Christ a couple of years ago. Brother Lavender gave several examples of hospitality. He shared the impact it had on people’s lives. And he said, “Hospitality can change the world.” You know what? I happen to agree. Hospitality can change the world yours and mine!

Romans 12:13 says “Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

The scriptures show many examples of hospitality. Yes, it was a very necessary part of travel during Biblical times when motels and guesthouses were in short supply. However, we see repeated examples in the scriptures of churches meeting in homes and mealtimes being shared. The early Christians met in homes daily. What an amazing way to share the Christian faith.

Life is meant to be shared. God said so in Genesis 2:18: The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. ‘ And God is always right. God also put us in the body of Christ, the Church for a reason. We need each other.

This week I witnessed a beautiful display of the body of Christ in action. A friend from church was moving from Tennessee to Florida and had asked for a bit of help loading the truck. We arrived a few minutes late because of a huge downpour and there were hardly any parking spots left!

1 Peter 4:9 says, “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.”

I want to share a few excuses people give for not practicing hospitality. Time is probably the first, big enough house, clean enough house, not a good hostess or cook, or not enough money. I will admit relationships take time. Hospitality will not always be convenient.

You can spend time with others without spending much money. Tea time is cheap. A glass of ice water or tea and a nice visit can fill the heart with encouragement.

Some of the most hospitable and loving people I know are not great housekeepers. That’s ok. They are great at loving people to Jesus.

Do you have enough time to eat? Learn to practice hospitality around your daily rituals and that will make it easier. We all have to eat. They will remember how you made them feel not necessarily what you cooked. I used to spend all day cooking for dinner guests. This is unnecessary. A simple casserole or pot of soup will be sufficient.

I try to include people in my regular activities. Sit and visit with a friend while the kids play in the yard or while you fold laundry. Visit with them in the kitchen while you bake, cook dinner, or do the dishes together. Canning or prepping food for freezer cooking can become a great time to chat and enjoy the everyday things of life together.

Maybe you don’t have much time at home. Do you work two jobs? Maybe you could invite someone to eat some Chick-fil-A during your lunch break. How about telling them to come for a simple Crock-Pot supper? Maybe you can give someone a friendly call using Bluetooth on your commute from work. I am sure you can come up with some great opportunities when you start looking!

Practicing hospitality at church meetings.

How can you practice hospitality at church? Make a point to greet visitors or someone you have not met. Just say hi! Wave and smile at people. Ask someone to sit with you. Invite someone home for lunch after church even if it is just for sandwiches. Or to share a meal at a restaurant. Remember people’s names. You don’t have to be an extrovert to be hospitable.

Recently, I shared my experience from years ago of visiting a large Texas church with my 7 children in tow. They were wearing their cute matching shirts and looking adorable if I do say so myself. That day, not a soul spoke to us! Someone did hand us a bulletin coming in the door. During the meet and greet time I went and introduced myself to the closest person to me. I’m not the only one. Many have experienced this sort of thing. Don’t let this happen to visitors or members at your church.

My friend Donna has a strong opinion about this, if someone walks into your church building they need a greeting. They may be a traveling Christian –  they are family, welcome them! They may be a seeker looking for spiritual guidance or connection, they certainly need a greeting! There is no excuse to leave strangers standing alone without a friendly welcome!

Enjoy hospitality.

Be relaxed. Keep things simple. Plan for a simple activity like a simple board game, or just chat while the kids play, include people in your family devotional or a sing-along. Make your home a comfortable place to visit. A haven from the world for friends and family.

Some of my greatest memories are from spending time in other’s homes and having others spend time in our home. Conversations around the table. Memories of our home filled with laughter, food, and music flood my mind. What a beautiful life.

Hospitality can change the world yours and mine.

You can find an article here on sharing hospitality during a pandemic.

Hospitality can be a simple casserole
A simple casserole

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What Would You Tell Your 20 Year Old Self?

What would you tell your 20-year-old self?

What would you tell your 20-year-old self? I was reading a blog post this morning that challenged me to take a few minutes to look back. Look back and see where I’ve been and how far I have come. I glance back occasionally but don’t really delve into it too much.

Born in 1960 and now I am 60! How did that happen? That 40 years sure was full. So what would I tell my 20-year-old self? I would probably say live with purpose and not so much fear. It’s ok not to have all the answers. I’m not sure if I am unique or if it is common for most 20-year-old girls to be fearful. I had a lot of optimism in some things yet uncertainty about others. I was intense. Trying to be perfect and to parent perfectly. I know now how unrealistic I was.

Turbulent Teens

After a rough time with ups and downs in my teen years (aren’t all teen years like that?) I feel like my 20’s were filled with more purpose. However, I feel I carried so much regret and fear well into my 20’s. Regret for my mistakes regrets for love not shown, selfishness, bad decisions, and bad attitudes that had accompanied my teen years. It would have been better if I could have accepted those things and forgiven myself.

Campaigns Northwest gave me a renewed zeal in my faith and new strength.

As an alumna of Campaigns Northwest, 1979, and 1980 were life-changing years. I knew I wanted to live my life fully planted on Jesus! I was committed to loving God and living for him. Yes, I still had failures and sinkholes to dig myself out of but I absolutely knew where I was going. Marrying a preacher man carried me into that life with full force. It was the perfect fit for my life and 40 years later we are still going strong.

Campaigns Northwest - West Seattle Team - 20 year old me
Campaigns Northwest – West Seattle Team – 20-year-old me

So what would I tell my 20-year-old self? That everything is going to be ok. Life is full of ups and downs and a lot of lessons to be learned. Learn to live with purpose and big love, forgive your mistakes, and move on. Stay focused. God will carry you through whatever comes your way.

Oh, the stories I could tell of my 30’s and being pregnant and nursing babies for almost a full decade. But that is a story for another day.

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Finding My Way Through Grief and Life’s Ups and Downs

Finding my way through grief.  People may define the different stages of grief in a variety of ways but most of them go something like the following list.

Stages of Grief

Shock

Denial

Pain/Guilt

Depression

Acceptance/Hope

I’m not sure what order these things go in but they are there when you are dealing with the loss of a loved one, health, job, lifestyle, marriage, or the loss of what could have been. And as we go through the ups and downs which are a part of life we will surely experience all of these at some point and some more than once.

You may have an image of what grief looks like but it will take you by surprise and look different. 

Losing My Dad

When I lost my dad unexpectedly after heart surgery the tears did not come for a while. I had to accept this. Some people can cry and let it all out and that’s ok. I couldn’t even verbalize my grief. Carrying on the motions of my day, on the outside looking normal yet in shock on the inside. Doing my shopping I would see something that reminded me of my dad and pain would come crashing over me so unexpectedly. I couldn’t have anticipated it. It would knock me down and engulf me as unexpected waves do at the beach. I catch my breath and move on.

Grieving the relationship and stories I had lost, time and again and the grandfather my children and grandchildren would live without. I think some griefs are life long and will continue to hit you when you least expect it. Maybe every time it will not immobilize you as it once did but you will still feel the familiar loss as it crashes down around you. There is a hole.

Another Loss

Time moves. What seems a short time later I lost my father-in-law who had been such a friend and encouragement to me for over 30 years. What an emptiness he left in my world. Again I couldn’t speak of my loss it was a huge rock sitting on my chest.

One day I will have more family and friends on the other side than here in this world and I will long, even more, to go to my heavenly home.

Inclusion Body Myositis

Finding my way through grief. Sometimes we experience a different kind of grief. Five years ago when my husband was diagnosed with Inclusion Body Myositis my world was shaken. I felt some guilt for my self-pity, after all, he was the one with the life-altering disease, not me. His world was shaken the most! I went through a terrible grieving process for him and me. I stayed calm for the most part on the outside but I was still stunned.

We were wrapped in prayers and support from our family and people all over the country and I will be forever grateful for the outpouring of love we were blessed and sustained with. Our Christian family is amazing.

When this happened I had to leave my wonderful life at home and go to work. Most of my children were grown. The three left at home were all capable of taking care of the daily things needed and they had their dad with them while I worked. Yet I grieved this loss.

Empty Nest Worries

Finding my way through grief. Some losses are expected. When my children started leaving home I felt a little sadness and some grief I may not have realized at the time. I grieved the daily time I had with them. As each one left the younger ones would grieve too. The days turned into years so fast. How could it be time already?

However, although I grieved I also felt some excitement about what my children were doing and what an impact they would make on the world. I trusted they would find their way and that they would make this world a better place and I believe they are on their way to doing that.

Mistakes

I thought some of my children left a little premature but you know what? They made it! They made their own decisions and survived their consequences. Yes, they made some bad choices and learned from them as we all should. I am sure we all have some embarrassing moments we would rather forget. The important thing is to keep going. Keep learning from your mistakes. Don’t let your mistakes define you nor theirs. Don’t let your mistakes immobilize you. Don’t get stuck. Every human being makes mistakes and has to recover from them. So we continue to find our way through life’s ups and downs.

What can we learn from our mistakes?

Most of the time our mistakes can give us a lot of insight into the world and ourselves and teach us things we could not have learned any other way. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut and think we can’t recover from our mistakes and this becomes a cycle of falling and laying there a while and then climbing out. More of life’s ups and downs.

What can we learn? We have to learn that we can’t undo our mistakes. If we have done wrong we pray and ask God to help lift us up and help us to do better next time. By evaluating we can learn from it and how to approach it better next time. Then we get up and do the next right thing. It took me a long time before I realized that I could learn from other people’s experiences and that I didn’t have to make every mistake myself.

James

Am I ready for an empty nest? I don’t want to let the last little one fly away. With James #10 I was more worried about his leaving because I wasn’t sure if I had prepared him enough. I now know that was silly and he has done great. He may not know everything he needs to know to follow his path but who does? He is courageous and smart enough to find the answers and resources he needs. And he has God! He approaches everything with an “all in” attitude. I wish I had a smidgen of his discipline when I was his age and truthfully maybe now too. 

I am so excited his hard work is paying off. He is playing football and has a 4.0 in his first two semesters of college. I’m excited that he will have an article published this week about something he is passionate about. Finance! He’s great with money, fitness, and whatever he puts his mind to. He is flying!

Esther

Esther is all over the place with her interests. Whatever she settles on I know she will bring a lot of heart and compassion to the world. She’s long had a fascination with anatomy, nutrition, and health, a lover of nature. In the last couple of years, she has been interested in nursing, midwifery, doula, real estate investing, organic medicinal gardening, etc. I’m not sure if she will settle on any of those but she will do well regardless. Esther is a beautiful Christian young lady with a strong faith which is most important.

Sometimes it feels so essential to make a decision but the reality is, it’s ok to carry on and wait and see what comes your way. Meanwhile whatever your hand finds to do do it with all your might. I wrote more about that in Choosing Your Path or Letting Your Path Choose You.

So life has its seasons of grief, rejoicing, pain, triumph, and defeat. But I am finding my way through grief and life’s ups and downs. I continue, pressing forward until the day Jesus comes or I go to meet him.

Finding my way through grief
Philippians 3:14